More Sorting

Today the focus was again on Ren’s books, both on the bookshelves and in his office. They include binders with notes from his 1963 City College classes and a binder of his lecture notes. All are obsolete now, so we tossed them.

Son 2 turned in my father’s BB pistol to the BPD at my request. (Son 3 had taken Ren’s rifles and pistol earlier.)

Son 2 bought more flowers and wine today, and daughter 2 went to an architecture conference in downtown LA. Son 1 called.

Daughters 1 & 2, Son 2 and I had dinner at Centanni. Memories of Ren, as he and I ate there a couple of weeks ago. The proprietor expressed condolences, and I controlled the urge to cry. 

Nice dinner. Afterwards we came back home and chatted. We will have an open house for friends and family and the cousins who want to come. Must figure out who to invite, and food and drink.

I am beginning to feel Ren’s absence. It’s beginning to sink in on a cellular level that he’s not coming back. I am still somewhat numb, and I dread the emptiness that I will inevitably feel, the companionship lost, a like-mind to mesh with. 

How will I manage to rebuild my life?