New Year, New Starts

Well, actually, I started reaching out last year. First the Grief Support Group. I needed somewhere, someone, some several other someones, to help me get out of the circle I was in: Missing Ren; Taking care of business; Missing Ren; cooking dinner; taxes; Missing Ren; reading; watching t.v.; missing Ren; family holiday gatherings; shopping; missing Ren; a trip to UK to see cousins with my son; really missing Ren there. But I made connections with a cousin who is also widowed and who shares some of the same feelings about a distant father as mine. We've corresponded by WhatsApp since then. So another connection.

The Grief Support group is also working out well. It is  interesting in that I get to support others who are more newly grieving than me. We mostly listen, and in listening we can see others who also feel bereft, and are also having trouble moving through a radically altered life. Somehow that's comforting. I am not the only one walking in circles. Also, I see and hear others who are in worse shape for many reasons, and I realize I'm lucky in many ways. 

I also joined the local old folks center. I  had avoided it because it was for "old people". Then I looked in the mirror!! But the center does say for 55+, so I qualified a while ago. They offer lots of classes, but the one I signed up for is the university women's club to raise scholarship funds for local public high school seniors. Mainly it consists of eating lunch at a local restaurant which offers to donate 20% or so of that day's take to the fund. We eat and they donate. A Win! Win! I am on the committee that chooses which students will get the scholarships. We haven't done that yet. I imagine it will be hard. It's not just grades. Must be like the admissions office at the universities. 

They are a nice bunch of women who also have "eat and schmooze" lunches and a book club. At the monthly meeting they also have speakers of interest. It gets me out of the circling groove at home.  

This past two months, I formatted and edited my Master's thesis and put it up for sale on Amazon. I changed the title to: The Pughs: One Family's Story. It is aimed squarely at descendants of my maternal grandparents. However, it also works for anyone who is interested in how the ordinary people of the UK managed through the Great Depression and the WWII Years under rationing and bombing. 

In between, I still miss Ren. No one to voice my worries or frustrations with; no one to discuss my dilemmas with. No one to rejoice with. No one to watch t.v. with, eat with, sleep with. 

But I keep moving on.